The end of year holiday season is a celebratory time for many Australians, but for some it can also be a time of increased financial and emotional pressure .
R U OK? have produced free tips and practical tools to encourage people to meaningfully connect with those who might be struggling with the upcoming holidays.
“One thing we can all do at this time of year, is to pause and take a moment to consider the people in our world who might be finding it tough,” says Katherine Newton, R U OK? CEO.
‘Tis the season to be asking R U OK? seeks to remind all Australians of the various struggles that people might be experiencing, but most importantly the role they can play in supporting them through this time.
“Find a moment to check in with that person and do it in a way that feels right for both of you,” said Ms Newton.
“Weave it into your normal routines and regular way of communicating. There’s no need to overcomplicate it.”
A number of R U OK? Community Ambassadors have personal experience of how challenging the holiday period can be and have shared some tips about how to support someone who might be struggling.
R U OK? Community Ambassador Glenn Cotter, like many Australians, is concerned about the additional expenses and family tension that comes with Christmas.
“We’ve had some stressful Christmases over the years,” said Mr Cotter. “It can bring family and relationship challenges to a head and it’s a time of heightened emotions. I know we’re not alone in that experience.”
Mr Cotter says we need to take the pressure off ourselves and remember that genuine connection is a special gift for those we care about.
“If you notice that someone is finding the holiday season stressful, my biggest tip is to encourage them to do Christmas in a way that works for them,” he said. “Don’t do it the way you think it has to be done to please everyone else.
“Ditch the expensive gifts and write each other a poem or card – whatever makes them feel connected,” said Mr Cotter. “And most importantly, ask how you can contribute or help. Sharing the load makes everyone feel supported.”
Carli Cox says this time of year is particularly hard for her as December 23 is the anniversary of the 2014 suicide of her 21-year-old son Mitchell.
“Every year, as the date approaches, a deep sense of sadness descends upon my family,” says Ms Cox. “The holiday season, with all its festivities and celebrations, becomes a minefield of emotions, as we attempt to navigate our way through. The lead-up to these occasions can be just as challenging as the days themselves.”
Ms Cox encourages us to reach out to those we know who have lost someone.
“Acknowledge that it might be a difficult time for them, don’t shy away from it,” said Ms Cox. “For anyone experiencing grief, what has helped me is being transparent. The weight of loss can make you feel like you’re the only one who understands your pain, but this is far from the truth.
“Share your memories, your heartache, and your struggles with your close circle of friends or family,” she says. “They want to help and support you and allowing them in can be a source of strength.”
Fire and Rescue NSW, firefighter, Max Cottingham says emergency services personnel can often feel torn between professional and personal commitments.
“You don’t always get to experience the unwrapping of gifts with your children, you miss moments like that,” Mr Cottingham says. “I struggle with guilt at times too.
“When you think of the elders in your family that may not have many Christmases left, that’s a big struggle, knowing you’re not there and they may not be there for the next Christmas.”
Mr Cottingham says being able to talk openly with his wife about how he’s feeling is a huge support.
“It creates a space for both of us to get things off our chest and be supportive,” he explained. “My absolute favourite moments are the surprise visits from family and friends when I’m at work. It’s a small gesture that says a lot.”
While none of us are immune to life’s ups and downs, R U OK? research has found an overwhelming majority (90 per cent) of people who are regularly asked R U OK? feel more supported, connected and cared about.
Visit ruok.org.au/holiday for free tips and resources, to help you connect with the people you care about this holiday season and to weave the Ask R U OK? Any Day message throughout your year.
If you or someone you know needs some extra support, you can find contact information for national support and services at ruok.org.au/findhelp.
